At Wal-Mart?! NO WAY!!

If you haven't heard, we've already had our first Black Friday death.

A 34-year-old Wal-Mart stock clerk was trampled to death this morning by over 200 people who just couldn't wait to get their hands on that piece of shit 27-inch HDTV.

I'm still shocked that this happened at a Wal-Mart. The people there are usually so intelligent and civilized. I just don't get it.

It's a Robe, Retards!

This is a pretty amazing invention. I can't tell you how many times I've had to put off doing something important because my arms were trapped under a blanket. NO MORE!

Nothing Says "We're Broke" Like a Private Jet!

This story needs absolutely no commentary at all.

Big Three CEOs Flew Private Jets to Plead for Public Funds

You Didn't Know What??

Hey! It turns out I'm not dead after all!!

Instead, I'm just floored at the fact that a guy could play quarterback for a professional football team for 10 years and not know that games could end in a tie. I mean, I only played until my sophomore year in high school, and I'm aware of ties.

Awesome.